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Idle Ray

by Idle Ray

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1.
There will be no evening out the shadows of doubt The powerless now Still, the angels over your house are weary but indiminished By the misused wonder of a chipped tooth summer By the golden age that got started on the wrong page By the broken gauge that can only miscommunicate Halos hanging over the crowns Even though my voice sounds different now There is sweetness still to be found Perpetually unfinished I still see them meeting where the sketchy street ends In a different place, they would say it straight to your face With a different name, you could alternate a different way In another time I could tell you how you changed me How you changed me With a different voice, I could sing you something pretty.
2.
Twenty times a day the room begins collapsing Your surroundings slip away You feel it while it’s happening but it’s harder to explain Everything’s unraveling in a sick, familiar way Twenty times a day You dreamed you were a dog You dreamed you had some friends who sometimes asked you what was wrong They’d hold you if you whimpered and they’d kiss your little paws They would reassure you you were perfect as you are You dreamed you were a dog They always want your time They’re never sure what’s happening But everyone is so happy for you.
3.
The last of the embers Smothered in dust from the day I have to remember That I wasn't always this way Water comes in through the windows Covers the things that we saved Stop when you see me Notice the change in my face Can we believe We can keep running around in one place Water comes in through the windows Covers the things that we saved Water flows over the mansions Water flows over the graves.
4.
Everyone you remember from that summer With their open arms Wore a coat of many colors When they talked to you They were really saying something It was beautiful when they smiled Last year's friends aren't pretending they're still listening You trusted them before money changed the vision Now you oscillate Between paradise and prison In this awful place Even on your birthday Everybody's screaming, screaming (Yeah!) But we couldn't tell you Why we liked you in the first place It might just be another party It might just be a waste of time But everyone says it doesn't even matter I know everyone says it doesn't even matter I know everyone says it doesn't even matter I know everyone.
5.
Terms 03:06
Every minor hum becomes amplified & dumb There’s no decisions to be made Nothing to agree to I’ll meet you where you are In some exasperated car I feel your heavy atmosphere but I don’t see you And just before the end All the messages unsend Something is happening again Something is happening again I’ll meet you where you are Passing counterfeit watermarks in someone else’s storyline In somebody’s preview There’s a shadow over everything we share When I hear you say “So much depends upon the name.” I always wonder if it’s real I always wonder if it’s real I’ll meet you where you are In the least transparent part We can keep moving in the dark It doesn’t matter There’s a silence in the space where I should be There’s a concept we keep talking about but no one sees And I reject these terms On the grounds that they’re ridiculous On the grounds that you know that they’re cruel You offer nothing in return Seven thousand cigarettes and twelve sullen years on the lawn And you still talk to me like it’s our first day at the art school It’s almost like I could be anyone Just like I could be anyone I could be anyone
6.
Kinda Bloom 03:15
April and the flowers sprout A rainstorm knocks the power out The changes come in trace amounts But carry over You call me up from someone's house Someone that you don't talk about Someone that you think doesn't count if you don't sleep over I know that you want to be the ghost in every room Even when you're haunting me You can't tell me the truth Everybody wants to be the sadness in the mercury The magnets in the misery That pull you closer You call me 'cause you know I'm down To pick you up from someone's house It doesn't even matter now I know it's over You would think eventually we'd see some kind of bloom Even when you're ending me You still can't follow through I know that you want to be the ghost in every room Even when you're haunting me You can't tell me the truth.
7.
Somewhere beyond our absorbed attention Every wavelength is contained And there the past simply isn't mentioned All your friends have no names Still from a distance The heartbeat skips Everything's different in a day Some early spring And this new weird thing Asks "Can I stay?" Cold sun shines over the procession Shows the outline of slow change No one is asking you the right questions And it's so strange Lonelier now where it's clear and loud Then we were in those blurry early days As we get closer the structures come undone One by one we all fall away.
8.
Coastline 01:22
You're submerged on the sidelines Trying to make the best of a bad night Not going to live to cry Spinning in rings of spite Creaky demonic floorboards are trying to lock you in to a lifetime Of one more ridiculous round Of the game that you all played all night long Of one more ridiculous round Of the game that you all played all night long When I saw you last night You told me you were leaving in the springtime From the glass in your eyes I could tell you had no reason to lie When I saw you last night You told me you were headed for the coastline There were clouds in your eyes I could tell that you were talking from the outside.
9.
Polaroid 02:13
I used to have a Polaroid camera I took it with me everywhere I used to take pictures of people So they'd remember I was there With my forefinger on the flash A little light got past But the color of my blood Cast a shade of red on everyone I used to be a different person I wanted something different then I wanted everybody to like me No matter what I thought of them I wanted to connect on a feeling But I felt different every day I made a language that I didn't believe in And wondered why I couldn't explain With my eyes focused on the past Portraits piled up in stacks Faces that I barely knew Trying to let a little more light through Filtered friends through a soft lens With an aperture locked and automatic Kept them where the light bent Frozen in poses Encased in plastic But they always knew when a camera was in the room And they always found their way Back into the center of the frame I used to have a Polaroid camera I took it with me everywhere I used to take pictures of people So they'd remember I was there.
10.
I went out and saw some friends But the vibe was strained and off Something stilted Something different Something missing I couldn't wait to get back home And out of that all-too-familiar zone Where you're lonely in the presence of another How they speak so highly of you When you aren't in the room And they hold you to a standard they don't share An indelicate reminder of the distance between you How they only want you when you aren't there I remember how you looked When I told you that I needed some help We were standing in the corner at another busted function Your face registered concern But it was clear that you were somewhere else You were struggling to conceal your exhaustion But you spoke so highly of me When I wasn't in the room It's just a part of the landscape Like the whispers behind your back Like the digital artifacts of some weird, maladaptive love And I can't believe that I'm still here Hanging around in your old soundtracks How every familiar soft attack Still leaves me paralyzed and stunned Like I never saw it happen before.
11.
The house where you used to live On what used to be your street Someone else lives there now Someone you used to kiss Someone you used to be A memory Has it been long enough to give them up? The page is blank, sacrosanct Those days were dumb I followed you up the stairs We noticed the kitchen creek The clatter from the basement drums An unmonumental night With underattended dreams vanishing Has it been long enough to give them up? I know it's not obvious, but wait for us Words with many meanings Kept you sleeping beneath strange ceilings Feelings predicated on when they'd expire Memorial Day weekend felt dishonest and uneven This was supposed to be a more important time I know it's not obvious, but wait for us.
12.
Last Show 01:54
Every day I wake up thinking That there's something that I haven't tried Maybe something simple would set everything right And I've had enough people tell me that there's nothing on the other side But more songs about water More reasons to cry I know that there are forces that no one can see Every day I hear the echoes Like the bees that buzz around the hive I can still remember But it gets less vivid each time I understand why we would want to cling To figments from another life When it hurts to move forward When it's painful to try I know that it's impossible to really be seen But I see all the changes while they're happening And I see all the people that are changing me.

about

Recorded February 2020-April 2021 at home.
Additional tracking done at Ravine Studios, Ann Arbor Mich.

All songs written, recorded, etc. by Fred Thomas.
Guest vocals on "Water Comes In Through The Windows" by Emily Roll.

This music made possible by the love and support of so many friends, and generous loans of equipment from Derek, Shelley, Chad, Devon, Anna, Darrin James, Burbo, Doug, XV, and Igor.

All songs ©2021 Idle Ray Songs (BMI)
Released in conjunction with Life Like Tapes.

credits

released May 7, 2021

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all rights reserved

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Idle Ray Michigan

Devon, Frances, Fred

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